You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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