Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
