All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
