So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
