I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
