"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
