You're my little dorito
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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