When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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