I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
