I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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