it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
