She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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