Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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