Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
