her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
