you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
