the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
