So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
