Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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