I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
