For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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