That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
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