it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
