i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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