The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
