I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
