I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
