I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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