aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
