hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
