my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
