Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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