I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
