Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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