Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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