Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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