And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
