What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
