By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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