I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
