I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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