just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
