Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
