did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
