kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The air taste purple.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
