So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
