My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
