We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
