I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
