genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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