respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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