I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
