So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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