even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
