Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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