he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
where are my eyebrows?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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