I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
