This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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