Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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