So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
