i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
