Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
