The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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