Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I currently don't understand fingers.
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