$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
