Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
