So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My feet surprised me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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