just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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