Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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