mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
