Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
