No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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