Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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