How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
