We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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