I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
